Everyday life

27. 10. 2008 All the words are not enough

I look at my blog and I realize that I need to write something about my time spent in Italy and how incredible it was but … I can not find words … I don’t know what happened but all the words in the whole world are not enough to express everything that I did and every moment I felt around a person …

Strange but now I do not look in future … may be because it is too hard to look … but this is for better because I simply enjoy my time and my feelings I have … the things that I get from the person and I share back …

29. 09. 2008 On-line talk

Yesterday night I was talking with Marco on msn … our last talk before seeing each other live in Florence. We were talking about our cats, plans for October and his arrival with Lucia to Prague in the beginning of November. After the talk I went out to breath the fresh night air and I started to remember how everything started … I saw the picture of us in the closeby forest to our shelter in St. Joaninho, Portugal and how Marco kissed my cheeck and asked if I feel that he likes me. I remember that I had no words to answer … I knew if I would answer something or would let myself into the feeling it will be very complicated, hard to be together and in the same time very far away. I do not regret that I let myself into this … I feel so different … even if he is far away … I trust him, I trust myself and I feel that may be still there are some exceptions from rules…

12. 09. 2008 Shock

I got 7 kilos in plus in less than 2 months. I am in shock … got to bring myself back into the right shape before going to Italy. Cereals for breakfast and dinner, no bread and no chocolate, dance club, yoga, biking, walking … hope this helps.

08. 09. 2008 Kitty II

This night I spent not in solitude … but with one cat. This cute little puffy was sleeping with me, though in 6 in the morning he decided that it is enough of sleeping and he is ready to play. Today I feel my muscles more, my wings and my back hurts a little more than yesterday. I started jogging again …

07. 09. 2008 Kitty

I do not feel much pain in my muscles after yesterday sport day … so I need to pressure myself even more. Today we will have 2 more members in our big family, a girl will bring two kittens to us. Yoooohoooo my dreams continue to come true!

05. 09. 2008 Big family

So I forgot to mention that my “family” here is growing. We have not one Canadian ice-hockey player in the house, but two of them. The one is half Czech, so I can have a partner to learn and start speaking Czech, plus I found a person to go with me to make tattoo. He is funny and has some typical American parasit words like “man”, “you know” and some others.

P.S. I forgot … Martin will bring his cute little dog to live with us and also his girlfriend will come to live soon. We will have a big family and a dog.

04. 09. 2008 Tobacco

Totally not smoking for me is impossible now. I just can’t … Today a lady came with her baby to ICM and I realized how much I miss my lovelies. There are still moments when cigarettes help me (like the moment of sitting in the airport in Prague late at night with sun glasses on because of red eyes after a long day and a hard goodbye).

In Portugal I tried for the first time tobacco, not ordinary cigarettes but with hand made with pure tobacco. It tastes different … totally different.

02. 09. 2008 Addiction

I think I have a big addiction to Italians. The accent they speak in English, the gestures and the passion they speak with is impressive. I can watch them talking for hours. May be I will consider Italy as my next destination to study and live.

01. 09. 2008 Tears

All day in sun glasses … not that it is a lot of sun but because my eyes hurt from salt. I didn’t cry for a long time and I felt very exhausted after a hard good bye. I was sitting in the van on our way to the train station in Santa Comba Dao and tears were streaming down my face, I could not stop them, it was too hard for me to let him go.

20. 08. 2008 First month over

I realized that yesterday was a month since I am here in Czech Republic. Pretty much done during this month and still pretty much left in plans for the rest of the year. Since evenings are lonely here I took some books from the library, not very interesting though, I think I will ask my mom to send me Haruki Murakami.

I got a knews, though I don’t like it from the very beginning. I will have another neighbour at the house. A Canadian ice-hockey player, yeh, may be sounds funny and interesting … though the idea of a man in the house is not making me happy.

18. 08. 2008 Night chat

Yesterday night I went to bed around 3 in the morning. Firstly I was looking for some stuff for the project I am writing, then I was just chatting with a friend of mine from Japan. It was late night at my side and early morning at his. So we came to a common agreement … I think I will take it into condideration … in case I will totally loose my way in life, I know that I can come to Japan, get married, stay there for awhile and then get divorced … or not … Strange agreement to make at 3 in the morning … but it coincided with the movie plot I was watching the same moment “Wedding Daze” so why not to have a plan “B” for my life.

17. 08. 2008 Round the city

OK, so I took a guide today to walk a little through the city. I am still not used that it is such a closed community that you will barely meet a person on the streets in week-ends or in week days after 5 o’clock in the evening. We went to the lake and then through the city to the park and to city center, everything is really close to each other. We also barely found a place to eat, because everything is closed. I need to get used to it … In the rest the city is really nice, clean and peaceful.

16. 08. 2008 On-line journal

This is truly nice that I have my on-line journal. Some things I can not tell to anyone (not here … not anywhere in this world). Those things I keep inside and in time they start to torture me. Though if I write them here I can get a little rescue. I can escape and leave my thoughts on-line …

15. 08. 2008 Tattoo

Am I old fashioned or what? Or am I in another world now … and it is called civilization? OK, I am getting used to see a lot of people with tattoos everywhere. Every second person has a tattoo, boys and girls, men and women. But come on … I would never do a tattoo at 15 or 14 years old. I think I am really old fashioned …

12. 08. 2008 My day

Nothing happened really good today, but I feel sooo nice. New manicure (they make it really funny here, I gave around 8 euro alsmost for nothing) turned out to be really strange experience. Though several cute sms’s and a big smile is on my face.

First project is almost finished … tomorrow final remarks and budget part.

12. 08. 2008 To know or not to know …

I knew something was going on yesterday … so finally I got a knews from my mafia … still not home … destroyed … I wonder what is going on there … so what is better to know things or not to know them?

10. 08. 2008 Trouble girl?

Sh*** I miss him a lot … have no idea if he misses me … I think I am in trouble again … sh**** I am such a stupid little girl … I wonder what is the first thing that comes to his mind about me … a trouble girl, a silly kid or may be something else?

09. 08. 2008 Dreams and nightmares

Today was a pretty nice day … I woke up at 11 but I felt terrible because of the dreams I saw. I started to saw my mafia in nightmares. This time I was sitting on the steps of a house in some foreign country (I suppose it was Napoli) and waiting. It was durty and I was waiting there for a pretty long time, there was a basketball playground in front of me (like in american movies). Though it is supposed to be a crowded city there was no one there and the wind was like in horror movies before something is going to kill the main heroe in the end… eek

Though the day went pretty well, even after this nightmare. I realized one of my dreams to jump on a trampoline and make salto, I discovered Mexican beer in Czech Republic and spent a nice day with great people.

08. 08. 2008 Bi or not bisexualism

Yesterday we had a really funny evening. The day was exhausting, I was working and at the evening I felt myseld really tired. The evening started with my lessons of Czech but we didn’t finish it because of a very sensitive topic about bisexuality. The crucial question was wether there is bisexual orientation or it is just bisexual behviour. Who knows … but the topic became really sensitive … for some of us … for some unknown reasons … We continued the evening in a pizzerie and the real fun had started … my neighbour was not in his best mood and being alone among girls the evening was dedicated to funny games and laugh. We laughed a lot about everything.

05. 08. 2008 My room

Oh sh***, they took my bed. I was so happy that I will have double bed, I adore to sleep on big beds. Now my room has changed … it is not the one you left.

03. 08. 2008 Funny fridge

We celebrated belated birthday of my neighbour, I adore jungle speed game we played the evening!!! Now our fridge looks really funny, it is full of beer (Kozel) and water-melon (also some really small things like milk, egs and some vegetables) and nothing more.

01. 08. 2008 Goodbyes

This is really too much for me … too many goodbyes with people I don’t want to let go. Life is not fare, people always leave and they do not always come back. Please come back some day …

23. 07. 2008 Freedom

Congrats to me, I got a pink sticker in my passport. Now I am free to travel all over shenzhen zone!

22. 07. 2008 Day 2

So here is my second day in Pelhrimov. Today Roberto (a guy from Italy who is going to be trainer in Prague) and I went to the Museum of Records and Curiosities. It was a funny experience … you can see there some really funny things like for example: who made the biggest T-Shirt or who made the smallest letter. There we also saw a picture of a women with no arms or a man with one eye … eek. In general it was fun … you can see what people can do when they have nothing to do.

21. 07. 2008 Czech Republic

Here I am … Czech Republic, Pelhrimov. 30 hours in the bus to Prague and 1.5 from Prague to Pelhrimov, but I feel so alive!!! I met a nice guy in the bus and so I have plus one friend in Prague. First night in the new place was very peaceful … I have a really nice room and the view from my window is incredibly nice! Yesterday I went for a little walk in the town with another volunteer Kamil, it seemed like the city died. It was only 23.00 but the town was empty … may be because of the rain … but Kamil said it is always like that. No people on the streets, no loud music and no cars … At the end of the week I am going to Prague …

05. 07. 2008 Little things

A coffee with milk, muffins and a chocolate – now that is all that makes me feel a little more happy.

And a nice chat with a good friend who is sharing piece of his happiness with me, sharing happiness is really helpful. Thanks!!!

01. 07. 2008 Changes

My new haircut, manicure, bananas replacing my breakfast and lunch (I got my dose of happy hormones), people talking how nice do I look with my new haircut, meeting with an incredible guy (who said there can be no friendship between men and women?), accidental meeting with my ex and good talk at a nice cafe with a milk shake just made my day so positive!

Yes lovely, I still think about you, I still look for your face in the crowd but I try, I keep trying and now I am trying to move on with positive thoughts. Have no idea if this can last for long, we’ll see.

P. S. I also found a treasury in my purse 2.5 Euro, 250 Forints, 10 UA coins and 2.9 MD lei. Four currency in one purse, that is something, who told that women’s purse is a mystery was right!

24. 06. 2008 His smile

I was not ready to see him this morning. I even woke up with a thought that I am getting used to this pain and I can live normal life and may be in time I will move on. I saw a funny dream and on my way to work I was listening to a positive music. I came to work and it was like a flash of the light, like a shock when you heart stops beating. Accidentally we went smoking together (I couldn’t resist not smoking while my heart was jumping and jumping). He is still so lovely, I miss his lovely smile, I miss him.

Somewhere between 11 & 12 of June

Did you ever tried to sit naked (half naked) on the sill of your window? No? Never? I wonder why (kidding)! Well, I tried it. It is nice to sit there, night, dark, you and your legs out there from the window (hell, I wish I was living higher). I felt so peaceful there (would be much better higher but still…). My mom will be back soon, but I guess I still have a place to sit and feel comfortable in my house.

09. 06. 2008 When?

Another teen drama is over and I heard a song. Taught to listen to the lyrics I heard this:

No happily never after
That just ain’t for me, because finally
I know, I deserve better after all
I’ll never let another teardrop fall

I wonder when I will become that smart to say to myself that words? When I will start to be selfish and to live for myself? When?… I am so tired of this state of mind and soul, can’t live like that anymore. I already started to think about taking some pills for clinical depression. I am becoming insane …

04. 06. 2008 Flight …

I remembered about a place in the forest near my house that I really liked. It is a tower which was a cable-railway long time ago but now it is just a rusty tower. I was enjoying the sunset and my music. When the dark came the view became very marvelous and mysterious. The lights of the city from the very high point is an amazing experience. I was thinking about flight, why people can not fly. According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Why people can not do so?..

27. 05. 2008 Night walk..

I decided to have a night walk on the streets of Chisinau. In jeans and sneakers I was walking down the dark streets listening to my favourite songs. Thinking about my life, my future, my wishes and desires. I took a break for this couple of hours and closed myself in … me. It was only me and my music. Pretty nice feeling, you know. I just stopped at a cafe to take a cappuccino and to smoke my lungs out. I sent him my last stupid sms while listening to Ronan Keating “If tomorrow never comes I just want you to know how much I loved you”. I hope he will remember this one day..

04. 05. 2008 Friends!!!

Do you know who are the real friends? No, it is not the person whom you know almost whole your life, with whom you grew up together. No, it is not, I had one like that but she showed her butt to me, because of some really stupid things.

Real friend is the person whom you can call or write late in the evening and just say few phrases “It was a really stupid day, I am so depressed and I need to get drunk today”. Real friend won’t ask too many question, he won’t ask you anything. You will find a place to stay and to get badly drunk to forget this fu*** day. You will laugh at yourself and at your friend. You will be so drunk to make xerox of your own face and dance like a madman. You will forget about everything and just relax. Thank you my friends for helping me…it was a crazy night!!!

25. 04. 2008 Live like you will die today!!!

После бессонной ночи и долгого разговора за жизнь я пришла к выводу, что жить надо так, как будто ты завтра умрешь. Утром, за чашкой кофе я решила устроить себе позитивный день. Достав из шкафа юбку и желтые колготки в полосочку, желтую майку и оранжевый шарфик я долго смотрела на себя в зеркало и не могла решиться выйти в таком виде из дома, но все же решилась.

С плеером в ушах и вся такая желтая и полосатая я шла на работу. Я видела, как люди смотрят на меня и улыбаются, проходя мимо стеклянных дверей и видя свое отражение, я сама улыбалась. Солнце грело своими лучами, и настроение было просто отличное.

Почему же так сложно устроить себе позитивный день, стоя утром перед зеркалом, я долго не могла решиться, и почему? Откуда все эти костюмы, черные, серые, синие. Это же так просто устроить себе праздник, немного красок и твоя жизнь уже не черно-белая. Да и не только твоя, но и близких тебе людей, это же так классно раскрасить чей-то день в яркие цвета, пусть даже один.

11. 04. 2008 Спать!!!

Дайте мне хоть немного выспаться!!! Кто придумал мобильные телефоны…и как люди жили до его изобретения?

После Будапешта я никак не могу выспаться, была жаркая неделя в Венгрии и приехав домой я сразу погрузилась в море дел и проектов.

Решила сегодня поспать на часик больше и прийти на работу попозже, так не тут то было. Не даст мне этот народ поспать, у всех куча вопросов, предложений, дополнений и все ко мне….ааа….дайте поспать!!!!

Видимо придется отдохнуть после смерти.

23. 01. 2008 The Door

Extraordinary, marvelous, wonderful, mysterious and spooky play called “The Door” by Matei Visniec was staged in the Eminescu theater, Valerii Cupcea studio. An interview with Director of this play you can read here.

Just amazing play about a place between life and death and about three people who are waiting there to enter The Door.

I will advice everyone to see this play (N.B. you need to have a good nervous system). My next cultural evening I hope will also be at the Eminescu theate, I want to see Juliette and Romeo.

20. 01. 2008 Master & Margarita

I’ve read this novel several times and I saw the film made by Russian producer (Vladimir Bortko). Bulgakov is really good writer, I adore this novel, so I decided to go to theater also.

The play was interesting (though I think it is not possible to stage this novel). Actors did their best (there were several mistakes in choosing the type of characters, Margarita was not brunet and Bezdomnii was not young but still…) and interaction with audience was a good idea (we were guests on the Satan’s ball).

19. 01. 2008 Тon-formal evening

As I mentioned before I have met a counsellor of the Hungarian Embassy and we decided to show him a nice place to talk and drink a coffee. We went to 513, retro style was just perfect for a non-formal evening.

Mr. Botond is really an open-minded person and we had a very good conversation (in spite of the fact I told our Club members that this will be a non-formal evening, they attacked with different political, economical and financial question).

We also had a chance to discuss and compare Hungary and Moldova: nature, wine, food and night life.

The evening was really nice in a pleasant atmosphere and with nice people.

(The question about why Mr. Botond came to Moldova was not an easy one, but I hope he will like the time while staying here).

12. 01. 2008 Family dinner

Today my dear sister, her husband and our two little girls came to us. We read books and ate an apple pie. We played hide-and-seek and listened fairy tales.

07. 01. 2008

У нас в Молдове можно найти очень хорошие места. Сегодня я для себя открыла место под скромным названием 513. Уютный подвальчик, который хранит в себе огромное множество старинных вещей. Здесь можно увидеть старинную газету 1947 года и древний грамофон. Место очень приятное душе и телу (кошелек всегда страдает когда душе хорошо)